Just Say It

Dave at Communication Nation has a good post about the various responses that people have when frustrated at work. I love working with everyone at kasina, but even still, every now and then somebody does something that makes me mad. As Dave writes, most people do one of the following:

a) Lash out
b) Write a semi-polite, yet seething email
c) Vent
d) Go through the chain of command
e) Do nothing

Historically, I would typically do (a), (c), or (e). Over the past few months, however, I have been working on improving my responses and encouraging those around me (friends, co-workers, clients, etc.) to do the same as nothing positive comes out of these options. Instead, I have found that it is crucial to address issues directly and work through them. Dave puts forth a nice process in his post:

1. Take a minute. Cool down. Try to see how the affront could have been unintentional.

2. Pick up the phone, or walk over to the person's desk. If they're not there come back later. Whatever you do, don't send an email.

3. Tell them what you are concerned about. Don't assume or judge them! Most of the time people are not aware that they stepped over a line. If something really bothers you or is unacceptable, you can say this -- but say it in a calm tone of voice.

4. Ask them what you can do to ensure that such things don't happen in the future. That's right, what you can do.

5. Listen. You're opening the door to a conversation. You will find that you are often surprised. Being open to the other point of view can enlighten your understanding of the situation and maybe even help you see a larger system dynamic.